Wednesday, October 8, 2014

I had a thought....

As I was soaking in the sun like a fat cat on the way to class, enjoying a pumpkin latte, I said to myself "what a great day! I have a lot to be happy about." I pretty much never have that thought. So often I find myself mired in sad feelings. Some of this is chemical and hard for me to control, but lately I've noticed that when I AM feeling sad it's compounded and sent spiraling down into the Nothing Good Can Come From This Abyss when I am (sub)consciously comparing myself to what I think I should be based on some cliched societal standards or when I'm comparing myself to others. If I have learned ANYTHING in my short time on this planet it's that nothing is as it seems and even people that seem to be the happiest can be suffering deeply on the inside. So why am I comparing myself to cliches and illusions? How does that help me? It doesn't. It fuels the depression monster in my brain. Now, some things are tragic and unavoidable. And sometimes your brain gives you a big middle finger and there's nothing you can do to stop the spiral into the abyss. I get that. I've been there. Sometimes though, when you're just teetering on the edge, it helps (me, anyway) to remember what I have that makes me feel lucky.There are a ton of things I wish I had or that I wish I was able to do, but you know what? Today is a good day and I have to go bonkers on the good days because my brain could decide it's sad bastard time whenever it wants and then I might not be able to pull myself back from the edge. My wish for you, dear readers, is that today turns out to be a good day. Get some sun. Get a pumpkin flavored thingey. Embrace your inner weezer (my step-father's word for children. He always referred to us as Little Weezers) and play in a pile of raked leaves. In your yard or someone else's. Don't get arrested. Have a cupcake. Gluten free, if necessary. 

Anyway, I need to spend more time reveling in my successes than wallowing in my failures. And maybe if I put that intention out into the universe, I'll remember it on my dark days.

No comments:

Post a Comment