Fulfillment

Sometimes I have deep thoughts and you get two posts in one day. Lucky interwebs.

The other evening I was FB chatting with a slightly intoxicated friend who was asking me about what was going on in my life and about my lack of significant other. He was very adamant that he thought my situation would make him very sad. I don't believe he was trying to make me depressed or to be insulting, but that for him, he NEEDS that relationship or else he becomes very depressed. My initial reaction was to get a little upset, or to make a vaguebook statement about how women don't require a significant other (male, female or otherwise) to achieve happiness, but then I just decided that I felt pretty lucky that I didn't feel that way about a relationship.

Not to say that I never felt that way. For a long time I based a big part of my self worth on whether or not I was in a relationship. I know LOTS of people still do that whether they realize it or not. When I meet someone who jumps from relationship to relationship with no downtime in between, I immediately draw that conclusion. I have spent a good portion of time relationship free and a good portion of that time I lived alone. It made me a stronger person. It made me realize that I don't "need someone" in order to survive. I can take care of myself just fine without assistance from anyone else. Of course, having a roommate is great for bill paying purposes and generally someone to talk to and do things with, if you can find the right person to room with. This is not the point of this post however.

At some point I think I must have decided to just live my life the way I want to live it and stop looking for fulfillment from outside. I don't know if it was a conscious decision or not, but it happened nonetheless. I have a lot to be thankful for. Pets that I love and that visibly show their affection toward me, a job that makes me feel good about what I do all day(even if my coworkers sometimes drive me to drink), an education I'm pursuing so that I can create a better situation for myself and help others even more. Without trying to sound like an asshole, I'm smart, pretty attractive, funny, talented and at my core I know that I'm a good person. Even if I'm sarcastic and snarky on the outside. It's all part of my charm. I have hobbies that I love. I managed to weed out the losers and now I have AWESOME friends. And I'm fortunate enough to be able to do nice things for myself. I take none of this for granted. I am an incredibly lucky person who has a lot on her plate. I feel fulfilled.

I went through a lot of bullshit getting to this place. I have had some extremely low lows. This most certainly has not been an easy place to get to. Would I love to find an awesome partner? Hell yeah I would. The only thing that would make my life better would be if I found an awesome life partner....or if I came into 5 million dollars and didn't have to work anymore....o_O....I just don't feel like I NEED it in order to be a happy person and I don't think there's anything sad about that. Frankly, I'm probably too busy to devote a whole heap of time to a relationship anyway. I would rather wait for the right person then settle for someone who's just okay out of loneliness.

I leave it up to the universe. I can only control myself and how I respond to the situations I find myself in. I think it's important to remind yourself of the positive things you have going for you instead of focusing on the crap. That's my life lesson for this post.